Emma talked me into looking for new recipes at Weight Watchers.com. I find a recipe for "herb-crusted roast and vegetables" that was rated "easy." I'd like you to know, they lie.
After chopping up 2.5 lbs of red potatoes, 2 lbs of zucchini, 2 onions and throwing in a bag of baby carrots, I was ready for the hard part. (Do you have any idea how much food that is? 5+ lbs of veggies? Let me say that I don't own a bowl big enough to hold it all.)
So, then the recipe says that I need 1 cup of parsley. So I pull the parsley out of the fridge and begin chopping. I chop and chop. With a knife. Only after I'm done chopping do I realize that the recipe actually says, "parsley leaves". I look at the stems in the bowl. I pull a couple out. Who cares, right?
Let me take a small detour here to say that I own a food processor. I've owned one for years. But I have never, ever, ever, EVER used it. I don't begin to know how. Wendell has used it periodically to make fresh salsa, but I haven't. And I don't know how to use it. I don't even know what pieces I need and I've only got 45 minutes until I have to leave to pick up my kids from piano. So I'm chopping with a knife instead.
Next, it says to add a 1/4 cup of chives, roughly chopped. That is easy for me. I'm good at roughly chopping, though Annika started asking why I was throwing grass in the bowl. Then I'm to add 1 Tbs of rosemary. As I measure out 1T of dry rosemary, I realize that the recipe might mean fresh rosemary, but I don't have any and I don't care.
Next it says to mince these together. Then I realize that by mince it doesn't mean "mix". I make a frantic phone call to Wendell.
"My Magic Bullet is supposed to do that!" Wendell tells me. We look up how to do it on an on-line user manual since neither of us knows where the actual user manual is. "Use the cross-blade and pulse," it says.
I begin to look for the cross-blade.
"It's in the second drawer down," Wendell says. I can't find it.
"Try in the corner cupboard." I can't find it there, either. I say so.
"It's there," Wendell asserts.
Doesn't really matter what he thinks, I think to myself. He's there at work and I'm the one here looking for it and I can't find it!
I look in the thingamajigit drawer. Nothing. Second drawer down, silverware draw, corner cupboard. It's nowhere.
I hang up with Wendell and grab the regular blade. I shove the herbs in the "small cup" as directed. I pulse as directed. It does jack. I get a larger cup. I pulse and shake and pulse and shake and it kinda seems to be working. After a while, I declare it good enough.
Next I am to add 2 cloves of garlic. But I only have garlic powder. I throw in 1tsp. I think about adding another, cuz surely one clove of garlic = one teaspoon of garlic powder, right? I rush to my computer to double check. eHow seems to have a conversion.
One clove = 1/8 of a teaspoon of powder. 1/8. I now have four time the amount of garlic... Good thing I like garlic, right?
Add Dijon mustard, salt and pepper. Mix. Rub onto roast. I rub. Time is ticking down. I have 3 minutes until I have to leave to pick up my kids. I add the olive oil to the rest of the herbs, I mix. I hear the garage. Wendell is home. I am supposed to leave in 1 minute.
I have the veggies divided out between two bowls since I don't have a bowl large enough to hold all the veggies. I blop part of the herb mixture in one bowl and the rest in the other. I look at the spoon. I toss it in the sink and start mixing with my hands.
Wendell takes off to pick up the kids. I put a few veggies around the roast in a casserole dish. The recipe said to use a roasting pan, but I don't own one. It also directs to only have one layer of veggies. I can fit 13 veggies around the roast. I stuff 7 more in. I pull a cookie sheet out of the sink, wash it, pam it and pour all the rest of the veggies on. It's not exactly one layer but it's close.
I turn the temp down to 350 degrees and set the timer to 1 hour 15 minutes. It's already 5:30. We won't be having dinner until at least 7:00.
I'm wasted. But I sure hope it tastes good.