Saturday, October 25, 2008

My Crazy Back-Door Neighbor

All two of you in my ward (you know who you are) who read this blog, shhhhhhhhhhhh. You may not repeat this story.

I have a crazy back-door neighbor. His wife, thankfully, is both sane and one of the kindest, gentlest people I know. My only concern for her is that I am not sure she knows her husband is crazy.

During the summer he called. "Hello," he says identifying himself by his first and last names and where he lives, "You have apricots hanging into my yard."

I smile, "Yes, Brother Crazy-Back-Door-Neighbor, you may have any of the fruit poking into your yard."

"Well, I have enough apricots, but I hate to see them spoil. How about the rest of the tree, can I have those too."

(Conversation in my head: Yes, please bring your ladder, climb into my tree and take all you want. Feel free to pick fruit from any of my fruit trees and you're welcome into the back yards of other neighbors that my fruit hangs over the fence into their yards as well.)

Real conversation: Um, no, no we'll use those ourselves. Bye.

Periodically, he leaves messages on our phone. Because he sells Amway the messages are usually cryptic, it's just very important for us to call back.

A couple days ago he called and left his first, middle and last name as well as his location--"your back door neighbor." Phew. That cleared things up. I'll definitely call back now that I have all three of your names, because recently a guy with the same first and last name moved into your house and called me about random stuff, but now that I know it's you and not him, I'll call back right away.


Unknown said...

Amway. . . .that explains A LOT!

My question: Does Amway attract the crazies or do they create the crazies?

Shaharac said...

Ok - I'm laughing so hard right now - BECAUSE - he called me and offered us apricots this summer, and I got all three names as well and would I please call back as soon as possible.
I probably shouldn't go here, but I going to. My poor husband has been sucked in a few times, one of which led to Tom taking him to an Opera in SLC - seats not by each other which was an ordeal and we paid a lot of money for the tickets. Oh and he implied somewhat passive aggressively that he felt jipped dinner wasn't included. Yeah - we know Mr. Crazy. I feel for you.

Debbie said...

Hi this is Debora Kae Reeve Wood...can I have some of your apricots? I'm not finished with canning. check out my site.

Emma said...

The lucky thing for you is that your crazy neighbors live in a different house, across a couple of back yards and a fence. My neighbors live above me, below me and three steps out from my front door. So far none of them are crazies (I have a feeling that to them we're those crazy Mormon people) but we're all just TOO CLOSE TOGETHER!!! I think the army has a way of enforcing Satan's plan.

Suzanne said...

*snort* Dude, I have to get out the ward map and figure out who your backyard neighbor is... =) Because yes, I have been here for two years, but I still don't know where anyone lives. (ps, when I left you a message yesterday, did you figure out that it was me? Because I think I did use my first and last names, but left off my street and my latitude/longitude coordinates.)