Sunday, November 18, 2007

I'm Usually an Optimist...

I have this funny quirk about unborn babies. I'm worried they'll die.

I've been this way from the beginning. I remember even after I told my boss I was not coming back after having Emma so I could be a stay-at-home mom, that I was still making business connections in case she died and I needed a new job.

I'm afraid to get too much ready too soon. I'm having this baby in about a week and a half and I don't have the bassinet set up, I don't have my baby boy clothes out, and I have only one package of diapers.

I also run worst case scenarios in my head: checking the kids out of school to tell them the baby brother they've been waiting for died and after all that, we'll only have 4 kids.

I really won't breath easy until...until never. I still check on my kids to make sure nobody died in the night.


Our Neck of the Wood's said...

I can totally relate! I always breathed easier when I heard the baby's heart beat at the doctor's office, and hearing children crying in the middle of the night is actually a little reassuring, besides being annoying.

Laurie said...

Maybe it's a mom thing. My fears got worse with each one. This last one I would wake up several times a night and bug the baby just to make sure that he was still alive. Maybe it has something to do with maturity and realizing that this life is sometimes beyond what we can totally control. I do not know if I am a strong enough person to have to experience the death of one of my children. I honestly is one of my greatest fears!

Lara said...

Oh my gosh. That's me to a T. I am on constant belly watch to make sure he's still moving. That may have something to do with our 3.5 years of trying to have a successful pregnancy - no luck til now. But, now that it HAS happened, it seems like I STILL can't let myself get my hopes up.. just in case we'll be let down again. I think that's a lack of faith on my part, though. And partially just guarding my heart. I just know I'll be up at all hours of the night checking on this baby - I already check to make sure my husband is breathing every time I wake up to go to the bathroom!