Saturday, August 23, 2014

What I'd been waiting for wasn't what I expected

The first week of the 2014-2015 school year is in the books.  And my baby, Beck, is in first grade.  While I love having my kids home for holidays, Christmas and summer vacation, I do relish some alone time.  And I have my particular ambitions.

Also, I hate the preschool/kindergarten-almost-in-school-but-not-quite thing.  That thing that I have been doing for the last 4 years.

It is this moment that I have dreamed about--when everyone is in school all day.  I had such grand plans of what I'd accomplish during this time.

1. Work part time.
2. PTA (why not start off as Pres of the Junior High)
3. Get more exercise
4. More diligent scripture study and religious studies
5. Get organized
6. Remodel my house
7. Writing
8. Doing fun activities with friends
9. Family history
10. Temple work

It's an ambitious list, to be sure, but I'd have 6 hours alone each day, right?

The first shock came by way of the realization that no, I don't have six hours.  With Emma gone early and home early with high school, the big boys at the junior high, and the little kids 16 minutes away at our city's very best elementary school, I have between 4-5 hours at most.  Plus mega carpooling.

I still can't quite figure out how to make our afternoons work.  And despite having the goal of being done with everything at 2:00pm I've learned, to my shock, that I can't fit it all in.  I just can't.

And I'm back to a familiar place where I realize that something's gotta give.

I keep thinking, "I'll just spend an hour and map out my week."  Then the list I have to map seems depressing.  And I'm bummed about the things that don't make the cut. And I wonder why I'm doing so much. And my week doesn't get mapped.  And I *know* I'm not be as productive as I should.

The answer I come back to is, "I must get up earlier."  But I have arthritis.  And my husband works late moderately often.  And even when he's home at dinner time, we don't really have *us* time until the kids are in bed.  Which is often after 10pm.  And it's nice to decompress and talk and so what if we don't get to bed until 11:30.  Or 12:00.  Or 12:30.  But going to bed late makes it impossible to get up early.  I need 8 hours and regardless of when I go to bed, I've got to be upright and in the kitchen by 7:15 so I can visit and give a proper send off to my eldest.

So I'll readjust.  Scratch a few things off my list.  And think, "Maybe I can do it all next year when I'm not PTA Pres."


carol said...

I remember when my last child went to pre-school and I added up the hours it would take to do the things I had planned and the hours he would be gone! Matched up about like yours

Jenna Wood said...

I'm so glad to hear that Carol! Over time we can accomplish a lot of what we want. We just can't accomplish it all right now, right?